Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
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