One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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