a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
