So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
