Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
