i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
