What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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