don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
