Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
