I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
