i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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