There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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