my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There are leaves in my underwear?
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