its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
