how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
