I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize