at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I am available for nakedness
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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