I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
