ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
