i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
