Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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