i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
