do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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