I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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