I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she told me i tasted like america
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
