I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Green mimosas i think yes
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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