Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Are we still banned from the library?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
