Im at strip club and am horny
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
