What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
