apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
