Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
