oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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