you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
