he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
