i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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