You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
