Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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