Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
