What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
