My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
