Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
