Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize