Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
