i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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