problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Jerry, you need to find god
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
