so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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