he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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