I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
