when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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