we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
