i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
