he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
