your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
