Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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