i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
