I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
