Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
