he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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