He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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