There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
