its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
don't judge my taste in strippers
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
