Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
