I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
