you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Randomize
