and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
