In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
