I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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