The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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