Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
