Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
