I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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